Yesterday I walked into one of West L. A.’s well-known bagel stores to purchase a dozen whole wheat and raisin bagels.
The 4 workers behind the counter were preoccupied; and so I, along with 3 other people, just stood there waiting to be acknowledged.
Since the lack of service lasted several minutes, I decided to say “hello” to the 4 workers, so they would look up.
The response from one of the young men was an “ANGRY” and “RAGING” …”We’re busy!”…and then silence in the store. After a few minutes, one of the workers came to the front of the counter and said he was sorry I had to wait. I placed my order, got my bagels and proceeded to leave the store, when it struck me that all of this was not the way I wanted to be treated.
So, I waited until the “ANGRY” young man was visible to my eye, and I walked over to him and asked if I could speak to him. I don’t think I can put in print how his eyes looked, but I’ll try. If you were to look at a charging tiger in the eyes right before attacking you, that would be the look.
I asked his permission to talk to him. Hesitantly, he said o.k. What proceeded was my explanation of how I experienced his reaction to my “hello”, and how I thought his inability to treat a customer with respect was probably a red flag of impending trouble in other areas of his life.
I told him I was an Anger Management Facilitator. He explained that his boss had just “chewed him out” for smoking on the premises and that he was so mad at his boss that he was shaking inside his body.
We talked for while; and I asked him if I could give him some suggestions on ways to speak to others, when he felt like he did. Again, he hesitantly said o.k. He said he had NO role models in his life that spoke with respect to others and no one had ever given him words to say or ways to think when he was angry. He also admitted that other problems were occurring in his life that were adding to his aggressive reactions. I basically said he needed to get help with his aggression and anger or he could end up in jail or dead. He agreed! He put his hand out to me and we shook hands. He thanked me for not ignoring his behavior. He said he appreciated that I had cared to talk to him, and I we said goodbye.
How often have you been mistreated by a service person while you were shopping or were you the worker who was mistreating the customer? Do you take your personal problems to work with you and then act out in nasty or angry ways to others around you?
If all this sounds too familiar to you, for further information on how you can help yourself (or someone else you know),
Call Anger Management Services,
Karen Golob, CCDC, CAMF
310-276-1342